Something else you should never do with Scripture

You are not in the Bible. At least it's very unlikely you are.

Then why do you pretend that everyone in it shares your opinions? Especially God?

When the higher criticism really took off, it was led by 19th century German seminary professors. Not surprisingly, when this group of people began to look for "the historical Jesus", they found one that thought and acted just like a 19th century German seminary professor. Everyone from the Church of Rome to American fundamentalists have found that the "real" Jesus perfectly agrees with them. The only way that's possible is that people are reading their own beliefs into Scripture, rather than getting them from it.

And it's not like I'm innocent. I'm a 21st century white male American, and that's how I read the Bible. Being born in a particular time and place means that I think a particular way. The best I or anyone else can hope for is to read in as little as possible.

Good thing we have God to help us.