Eternal insecurity?

I spent years -- most of my Christian life -- as a Baptist, though I was never entirely comfortable as one, even when I was ordained as a Southern Baptist pastor. For one thing, Calvinism was resurgent in those years, so I constantly felt like I was defending myself from that. For another, I've always struggled with the doctrine of eternal security.

Also (and unfortunately) called "once saved always saved", it basically says that once you make a profession of faith, you'll go to Heaven no matter what. The trouble was that I couldn't find anyone in the New Testament who talked that way. If you can't apostasize, or leave the faith, then you have to wonder why there are so many warnings against it.

Not believing in eternal security doesn't mean I'm always insecure about the state of my soul. Why would I be? That would be like an obedient son being afraid of being disowned for no reason.