I understand Paul better now

If nothing else, my condition has given me a lot of time to think. One thing I've thought a great deal about is  the New Testament, especially two things Paul said

One thing he wrote that I've never really understood is when he called himself the chief of sinners. Now I think I do. Only Paul knew what went through Paul's mind. Regardless of whether he acted on his thoughts or not, he knew what he really was on the inside.

I also never got "to live is Christ and to die is gain". I could tell you what the phrase meant. I knew the churchy things to say about it. What I didn't understand is how a person could mean that. 

I think I do now. Paul knew the truth. He knew what he was, and that Christ had saved him anyway. If you're a Christian, he did it for you, too. He even did it for me. How can I keep from praising him? As for the second part, think about it for a minute. The worst thing that can happen to me or Paul in a medical sense is that we die. But if that happens, a Christian gets to spend a blissful eternity with his Savior. Since Paul's been gone a while now, I'll go ahead and speak for both of us.

That's some gain right there.